It was the month of February 2020, couple of weeks before my father’s birthday. I remember that day clearly because little did I know it would be his last trip to see the doctors and nurses at the Ampang Hospital.

As we returned from our usual breakfast at the Hospital cafe, my father, as usual, waited patiently for his turn to be called by the doctor.

Then I heard a male Chinese doctor whom I’ve never met call my father’s name, Datuk Abdul Kadir Nordin. I quickly got up and informed him that I am his daughter and that he can speak to me about my father’s progress. He turned to my father and told him that he will update him after he has spoken to me. My father nodded.

The doctor then told me that my father’s cancer cells have spread very fast, especially to his brain. (Although he had lymphoma, the cancer cells had spread faster to his brain compared to his body). He calmly told me that my father cannot be treated with anymore chemo, radiation or pills as these treatments will make his condition deteriorate faster and will also damage his kidneys, heart and lungs.

I fell silent. I felt numb and confused. Then the tears started to roll down. Worst of all, I was alone hearing this unforeseeable news.

I asked the doctor how much time he had left and was told he had roughly 6 months or so to live.

I couldn’t believe this was happening to my strong-willed father, an army general, a fighter awarded with the second highest gallantry award in the country, dean’s list Masters student, a man who saved his country from the communists, an influential leader whom my sister and I look up to greatly. No words can describe the moment I heard that heartbreaking news.

And so I nodded to the doctor that I understood the situation. While the doctor was updating my father (on the surface only) a lady doctor informed me that I should register my father with Hospice home care.

The AsPac team’s first visit was around 2 weeks after we registered at the Hospital. Both Doctor Teh and Sister Mary came by and introduced themselves and they were very impressed by how alert my father was.

We were also taken by the generosity and sincerity of the AsPaC team not knowing at that time what a great impact the team will have on our family.

By March, we were in lockdown due to the Covid 19 pandemic. The doctors took turns to ‘visit’ our father via video-conferencing. They would make endless calls to ensure our father had enough medical supplies and that his health was stable. The lockdown was a blessing to us as we had a good 3 months to be close to him, pray with him and walk around the house seeing to his plants!

By June, my father’s condition had deteriorated but by that time the hospice nurse and Doctor Teh were able to make visits. We were relieved. Dr Teh stocked up on his medicines and we had to purchase extra medical equipment for his deteriorating condition. Dr Teh also reminded us to prepare for the worse.

Of course it was difficult for our family to accept at first, but as Muslims, we believe in fate. As both my sister and I were working from home (WFH), we took turns to feed him, bathe him, change his clothes etc. The WFH situation was a blessing for us as we managed to take care of him.

By August, our father was paralysed and could not speak. But Dad was blessed not to have any wires around him although Dr Teh advised us to get extra help to manage him.

Paul, a male nurse, came into our lives then. Paul also made a huge impact on our family. Even Dr Teh was impressed with him!

From August until September, there were a lot of visitors – father’s friends and family.

Dr Teh also increased her visits to twice a week. Sometimes our father recognised her and he would greet her with a smile.

The dedication and commitment from Dr Teh and her team was remarkable. She consoled my mother, telling her to be prepared and to be by my Dad’s side. No other doctors would have done that. Only Hospice Doctors would have that compassion and empathy.

My eldest brother turned 50 on September 12, 2020 and we had everyone gathered at the house. Dad woke up to see my mom for the last time that day. After midnight, my dad took his last breath and died peacefully on 13th September 2020. He waited for my brother to turn 50 and then left us all.

We would not have had the energy nor the fighting spirit if not for the assistance and guidance from Dr Teh and the AsPaC Hospice team.

To say they were amazing is clearly an understatement. Our sincere thanks and appreciation to AsPaC for being there in our lives during this difficult journey.

We miss you so much Daddy, Rest now and we will see you soon God-willing.

Sincerely,
THE GENERAL’S DAUGHTERS